Don’t tell me, Elon Musk has sired another and it’s called something weirder than Exa Dark Sideræl.Exa’s name has changed.Why?Oh, you already knew.Eh?She is now called Why but you can also call her Y or ?. Anyway, the Musk progeny are not the story. Mad monikers are on the riseGo on…The recipient of this month’s ‘You called your child what?’ award is Tory leadership hopeful Robert Jenrick.Has he called his child What?No. In a rush of (possibly ill-advised) candour, Jenrick has revealed that his 11-year-old daughter Sophia has the middle name Thatcher – as in Margaret.Bet she’d been keeping that quiet in the playground.Probably – until Dad decided to tell the Conservative Party conference. It’s OK, though, he had a good reason: Sophia was born the year Thatcher died.My eldest was born the year Luther Vandross died, and I managed to resist.Ah, but you are not famous. Hailey Bieber has bucked the trendAre you saying that giving your child a daft name is power play?That was the theory put forward by Elle in an article to mark the birth of Hailey and Justin Bieber’s first child in August.What did the magazine say?‘[It’s] as though… in the future, success will be limited to those named Windy Day, Sellotape and Enema.’What is Bieber Minor called, then?Jack.Not Steeplejack?Nope.Hijack? Skipjack? Crackerjack?Just Jack. Elle extrapolates that this shockingly ordinary choice marks the end of celebrity offspring named after ‘directions’ or a ‘weather pattern’.Too late for Kim and Kanye’s North West.And for Kylie’s Stormi, although I wouldn’t bet against someone welcoming an Anticyclone in the near future.I thought you said weather names were over.No, Elle said weather names were over. The baby name experts at nameberry.com disagree. They predict inspiration from the natural world will be a big trend in 2025.What’s on the list?Acne.Pardon?Sorry, Acre – I mislaid my reading glasses. Creek, Shore, Isle and Branch are also set to do brisk business at the register office. Cove could even make a comeback, having nearly broken through in 2019.What happened to Cove?Too much like Covid.I’d like to become a ‘baby name expert’. What are the hours?You would be best off asking American social-media star Em of @emdoodlesandstuff, who has 330,000 TikTok followers and more than 21 million likes. She describes herself as doing ‘influencer baby name predictions and baby name consultations’.What’s the pay like?Decent. Em charges $385 to predict what names you would choose for your child.Isn’t that a question I could ask myself for free?Em’s prediction is made via a glossy TikTok video. It shows the world how quirky and offbeat you are.How many predictions do I get for my big bucks?Three. As an alternative, there’s a five-minute video explaining why she’s chosen particular names for your child. That’s yours for just $295. Perfect for anyone needing to watch their ‘baby name predictions’ budget.How does one sign up?Don’t get too excited. She’s a popular woman and there’s currently an eight- to ten-week waiting list (although you can pay more and jump the queue). In exceptionally rare circumstances, says Em, she may go for a ‘pass’.I prefer Creek or Canyon.As in, she won’t work with you: ‘If I feel we will not be a good fit.’Who knew this was such a competitive business?Listen, I’d love to stand and chat, but I’ve got to go: it’s drizzling.Need to get your washing in?No, she’s my youngest.